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Karagin
Imperial Karagin Army
Imperial General
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4120
Location: United States
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 Posted: 05-Nov-2002 13:04 Post subject: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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The Story of Hood, Red Riding, Little as told by the U.S. military. Author unknown
Once upon a time, there lived a female personnel whose nomenclature was Hood, Red Riding, Little, 1 each. She was a girl, little, happy and lived in base housing, Rancho-type, brick with fireplace. Her duty uniform consisted of the following items:
- Dress, red, cotton, NATO shade 76, 1 each.
- Cape, red, w/ hood, 1 each.
Her MOS was food handler .
One day Hood, Red Riding, Little received a message from her Mother, Grand, old, 1 each who lived off-post in a cottage, brick, red, Capehart-type, w/chimney, w/o cable TV, initial issue, 1 each.
The message read as follows:
FM: Mother, Grand
TO: Hood, Red Riding, Little
This is to advise that morning report should read: DY to SK, confined to qtrs as of 0100 10 JUN. Went to sick call, confined for indefinite period.
However, feeling somewhat better.
Love and appropriate gestures of affection,
Mother, Grand, your.
Hood went to the message center with the following 1st endorsement: "Basic communication complied with. ETA your station approx. 1600 this day. Added unofficial: Please bake cookies, ginger type, w/nuts, w/o icing."
Hood then signed out in the TAD log and departed homepoint hand-carrying the following items:
-Basket, picnic, wicker type, w/o top, 1 each.
-Sandwich, salami, w/pickle and onion, w/o mustard and mayo, 1 each.
-Soup, chicken, with meat and noodles, 4 liquid cups.
-Vacuum flask, 5 cup capacity, with removeable drinking cup, 1 each
While en route to TAD destination, pers concerned came to forest, thick, primeval. Suddenly out of the thicket, briar, emerged a Wolf, Bad, Big, Brown, 1 each, who said: "Halt, who goes there, and what are your last four?"
Hood answered, "4032! Hood, Red Riding, Little, I am en route to TAD point and am looking for the house of my Mother, Grand!"
"It is just down the road, 800 meters, turn left at building 2355," instructed the Wolf.
"How do you know where she lives?" asked Hood.
"I've pulled MAA duty in these parts," said Wolf, who upon departure from pers then catches a bus, personnel to Granny's. Upon arrival, Wolf, Bad, Big, swallows Granny in a gulp, single. Wolf, Bad, Big then polices the area, including butt cans, and jumps into the rack (single-tier, initial issue type, 1 each) and pulls on Granny's 146-92S.
"Hello, Mother, Grand!" said Hood, Red Riding, Little upon entering the domicle.
"The fool, stupid, little, does not know that it is really me, the Wolf, Bad, Big," he chuckled.
"What big EENT (eyes,ears,nose,teeth) you have!" exclaimed Hood, Red Riding, Little.
"All the better to maintain maximum efficiency at minimum cost with zero defects and within set DoD acquisition parameters," replied the Wolf as he quickly threw off the bedcovers, quilt, patchwork and proceeded to persue Hood, Red Riding, Little, 1 each.
Hearing a commotion in Granny's house, a chopper, wood-type, handsome, 1 each entered the house of Mother, Grand and killed the Wolf, Bad, Big with one blow. Afterwards he performed necessary surgical procedures to remove Mother, Grand, from the stomach of Wolf, Bad, Big.
With allowances for quarters and rations, they all lived happily ever after, unless superceded by higher authority.
Negative as to the Wolf.
_________________
Karagin
Only the dead have seen the end of war. - Plato
"Wasted trip Man. Nobody said nuthin' about lockin' horns with no tigers." Oddball
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Vagabond
Mercenary
Mr. Referee
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 5745
Location: United States
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| Posted: 05-Nov-2002 14:10 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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what a nice read.
_________________
one must work hard to cultivate the mind and body. and one must always cultivate the mind.
//^(^_^)^\\
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Hurlbut
Royal Black Watch Regiment
Corporal
Joined: 15-Oct-2002 00:00
Posts: 136
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| Posted: 05-Nov-2002 14:31 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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That is what happen when you let the Army write the children stories. Next thing you know, you might be recieving a letter from your little cute nephew written in a military report format.
Over and out.
Hurlbut, Commander.
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A GREEN Dragon Lies Beneath!
I took the Inner Dragon online quiz and found out I
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 05-Nov-2002 15:03 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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yub yub commander....
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Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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Vagabond
Mercenary
Mr. Referee
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 5745
Location: United States
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| Posted: 05-Nov-2002 15:06 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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ok da@@it who put the stuffed ewok in my mech's cockpit.
_________________
one must work hard to cultivate the mind and body. and one must always cultivate the mind.
//^(^_^)^\\
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Jade_Dragon
8th Sword of Light
Sho-sho
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1325
Location: United States
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| Posted: 05-Nov-2002 15:45 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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It ain't suff'd, it da real t'ing.
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The JadeDragon
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chihawk
Clan Blood Spirit
Master Bartender
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 8072
Location: United States
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| Posted: 05-Nov-2002 15:55 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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That is one of the funniest--and yet scariest--things I've seen in a while 
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www.210sportsblog.com
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Horhiro
Draconis Combine
Samurai
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1625
Location: United States
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| Posted: 05-Nov-2002 18:15 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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considering the violence and the sexual inuendo of the original I find it quite scary as being a children's story! ;-o
_________________
"I have lived my life trying to be a virtuous man. The Dragon admires tenacity, and the code of the samurai upholds it as well." -Minobu Tetsuhara
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Karagin
Imperial Karagin Army
Imperial General
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4120
Location: United States
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| Posted: 05-Nov-2002 18:35 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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Welcome to the world of Grimm Fairy Tales...and the idea that scary stories and folk lore can entertain...and welcome to the world without PC Censor trying to run your life for you...you know the types the ones who keep pushing for more control over what we can read, watch, or even think...
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Karagin
Only the dead have seen the end of war. - Plato
"Wasted trip Man. Nobody said nuthin' about lockin' horns with no tigers." Oddball
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Gangrene
Federated Suns
Leftenant General
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 939
Location: United States
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| Posted: 05-Nov-2002 19:01 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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Good one.
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Gangrene
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Vagabond
Mercenary
Mr. Referee
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 5745
Location: United States
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| Posted: 05-Nov-2002 19:12 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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*gives an inoccent look*
what censorship.
_________________
one must work hard to cultivate the mind and body. and one must always cultivate the mind.
//^(^_^)^\\
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Karagin
Imperial Karagin Army
Imperial General
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4120
Location: United States
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| Posted: 05-Nov-2002 20:07 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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During in depth examination of the events of the 4th of November 2002 (The Grandmothers House Affair)by the JAG, The Right Honorable Step-mother, Wicked (H78 609 334) The Department of National Defence has discovered serious breaches of the National Defence Act for which charges will be laid against A76 243 586 Hood, Riding, Little Red.
The Charges read as follows:
1. Disobeyed a lawful command: In that the defendant (A76 243 586 Hood, Riding, Little Red) was on at least one occasion ordered not to venture into the woods alone.
2. Reckless Endangerment: In that the actions of A76 243 586 Hood, Riding, Little Red on the 4th of November 2002 did endanger the life of both W09 857 475, Mother, Grand and C75 369 003, Chopper, Wood-type, Handsome.
3. Theft under $200.00: In that A76 243 586 Hood, Riding, Little Red did appropriate from her duty station the folowing items:
-Basket, picnic, wicker type, w/o top, 1 each.
-Sandwich, salami, w/pickle and onion, w/o mustard and mayo, 1 each.
-Soup, chicken, with meat and noodles, 4 liquid cups.
-Vacuum flask, 5 cup capacity, with removeable drinking cup, 1 each
4. Conduct to the predujice of good order and discipline: In that A76 243 586 Hood, Riding, Little Red was cognisant of and responsible for her actions of the 4th November 2002.
A76 243 586 Hood, Riding, Little Red has been read her rights under the Charter, retained council (K76 335 612 God-mother Fairy), and been appointed an assisting officer (R23 111 740 Charming, Prince)
Proceedings will begin at 09:30 5 Dec 2002 at Bldg D107 Room 205. On duty service personel that wish to attend are reminded that the dress of the day is service dress 3B. All other personel will be appropriately attired. All will bear in mind that these proceedings will follow the guidlines laid down by UCMJ and will not deviate from said guideline as outline in the UCMJ.
_________________
Karagin
Only the dead have seen the end of war. - Plato
"Wasted trip Man. Nobody said nuthin' about lockin' horns with no tigers." Oddball
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Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
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| Posted: 06-Nov-2002 07:39 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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Guilty 'til proven Innocent.....
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Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
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Raven!
Clan Snow Raven
Galaxy Commander
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 1326
Location: United States
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| Posted: 06-Nov-2002 11:08 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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The BAD EVIL GREY SPACE ALLIENS FROM the XFILES are here to censor us all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They put fake die on and influence our young through vile TV shows like TELETUBBIES! BLOW UP TELETUBBIES!
Raven, who has no idea where this came from!
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Hurlbut
Royal Black Watch Regiment
Corporal
Joined: 15-Oct-2002 00:00
Posts: 136
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| Posted: 06-Nov-2002 13:20 Post subject: RE: Why the Army should not write children stories... |
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You wanna to see the real Teletubbies? Ah ah, do not blame me for this, you asked for it!
Recon pic #1
Recon pic #2
Recon pic #3
Unfortunetately, our reconaisance soldier perished soon after the third picture he sent us. God help us all.
[ This Message was edited by: Hurlbut on 2002-11-06 13:21 ]
_________________
A GREEN Dragon Lies Beneath!
I took the Inner Dragon online quiz and found out I
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