| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Hardware
Clan Ghost Bear
Star Colonel
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 605
Location: United States
|
 Posted: 06-Oct-2003 00:38 Post subject: Halloween tips |
  |
|
With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!! Please use these helpful hints this and every year.
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out.
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at east twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to he nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.
19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.
20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.
21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.
_________________
The more I get to know people the more I like my dog.
|
|
| Back to top |
 
|
Stinger
The Knights of Chaos
General
Joined: 30-Apr-2002 00:00
Posts: 1833
Location: United States
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 01:36 Post subject: RE: Halloween tips |
|
|
"And I though dabbaling in the black artswould be good for a chuckle. How wrong I was." Bart Simpson
_________________
Stinger
If it's "creepy" to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so I can drop in on them unexpected, then FINE, I'm "creepy". Howard Wolowitz. BBT.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Slythis
Federated Suns
Colonel
Joined: 09-Aug-2002 00:00
Posts: 712
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 02:04 Post subject: RE: Halloween tips |
|
|
Quote:
|
On 2003-10-06 00:38, Hardware wrote:
Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one) |
|
ok... where have I hear that? GRR!!! I know this one!!!
_________________
"It is pleasant, when the winds are high and the seas are rough to watch the stuggles of another from the shore."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 07:47 Post subject: RE: Halloween tips |
|
|
It's Goblin backwards. It's a Creature from D&D. You have to show compasion and caring toward it that actually destroys it....
_________________
Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Kraken
Federated Suns
Marshal
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 2755
Location: United States
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 08:54 Post subject: RE: Halloween tips |
|
|
1. It's also generally a good idea to be extra careful when taking showers. Especially in nearly-abandoned motels and creepy houses.
2. Garlic is your friend. Unless you're Eddie Money; then it's just a waste of cash (I dare someone else to figure out what I mean).
3. Never stop off at a creepy, semi-abandoned castle in Transylvania if you're lost. You're better off finding a Motel 6.
_________________
"I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat." -Edgar Allen Poe"I knew there was something special about you, but I never realized you were really a cat." Wolfwood to a random cat (Trigun)
|
|
| Back to top |
|
CO_17thRecon
Kell Hounds
Major
Joined: 10-Sep-2002 00:00
Posts: 1297
Location: United States
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 10:17 Post subject: RE: Halloween tips |
|
|
Quote:
|
On 2003-10-06 08:54, Kraken wrote:
2. Garlic is your friend. Unless you're Eddie Money; then it's just a waste of cash (I dare someone else to figure out what I mean).
|
|
A Lost Boys reference perhaps?
_________________
Jarylan Blackwell
"What the...?! Where did you get THAT?!"
"Creative aquisition."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Slythis
Federated Suns
Colonel
Joined: 09-Aug-2002 00:00
Posts: 712
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 10:35 Post subject: RE: Halloween tips |
|
|
I do seem to recall a horrible Eddie Murphy movie where he was turned into a Vampire...
1. If you throw a small party of your close teenage friends and one of them dies a horrible nightmarish death, move out, don't wait for the police to find who did it.
2. if people are dying in their sleep in most unpleasant ways, make friends with caffine... FAST
_________________
"It is pleasant, when the winds are high and the seas are rough to watch the stuggles of another from the shore."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Kraken
Federated Suns
Marshal
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 2755
Location: United States
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 13:30 Post subject: RE: Halloween tips |
|
|
Singer Eddie Money's video for his song "I Think I'm In Love" was a modified re-telling of the Dracula stuff. In it, Money played the Count himself. The story was that a young woman and her 'nanny' pay a visit to his castle. Money realizes it, and the woman realizes who lives there.
When everyone else has gone to bed, she removes the garlic from around her bed, allowing Money to get close to her. Except, she bites him in the neck first. So apparently, she must have been a much more powerful vampire than he was.
_________________
"I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat." -Edgar Allen Poe"I knew there was something special about you, but I never realized you were really a cat." Wolfwood to a random cat (Trigun)
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Daphne Wilde
Star League Defense Force
Lieutenant Colonel
Joined: 19-Sep-2003 00:00
Posts: 425
Location: United States
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 17:01 Post subject: RE: Halloween tips |
|
|
The Vorpal bunny is coming................
_________________
Lt.Col.Daphne Wilde
504 Para. 82 Div.
Io
? & ?
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Kraken
Federated Suns
Marshal
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 2755
Location: United States
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 17:58 Post subject: Even More Tips |
|
|
1. If someone begins to develop psychological powers that they never had before, especially if they have some sort of adverse side effects, get out of the country as soon as possible. Especially if this person is the youngest member of a teenage biker gang.
2. It doesn't matter how they say it; if it's spelled F-R-A-N-K-E-N-S-T-E-I-N, it's still a Frankenstein.
3. Ladies, if a half-blood vampire is in the middle of killing an army led by ancient vampires, wait until after he's done with them to say how much you love him. Unless you really want him to revert to his vampiric nature and feed on you. And expect him to be gone for long periods of time.
_________________
"I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat." -Edgar Allen Poe"I knew there was something special about you, but I never realized you were really a cat." Wolfwood to a random cat (Trigun)
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Slythis
Federated Suns
Colonel
Joined: 09-Aug-2002 00:00
Posts: 712
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 18:25 Post subject: RE: Even More Tips |
|
|
Quote:
|
On 2003-10-06 17:58, Kraken wrote:
1. If someone begins to develop psychological powers that they never had before, especially if they have some sort of adverse side effects, get out of the country as soon as possible. Especially if this person is the youngest member of a teenage biker gang.
2. It doesn't matter how they say it; if it's spelled F-R-A-N-K-E-N-S-T-E-I-N, it's still a Frankenstein.
3. Ladies, if a half-blood vampire is in the middle of killing an army led by ancient vampires, wait until after he's done with them to say how much you love him. Unless you really want him to revert to his vampiric nature and feed on you. And expect him to be gone for long periods of time.
|
|
1. Akira
2. Young Frankenstein
3. Vampire Hunter D
I have too much time on my hands.
_________________
"It is pleasant, when the winds are high and the seas are rough to watch the stuggles of another from the shore."
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Kraken
Federated Suns
Marshal
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 2755
Location: United States
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 20:21 Post subject: RE: Even More Tips |
|
|
#3 is also kinda sorta Blade. I haven't seen it in a while but I remember that Blade got really frustrated with the female scientist more than a few times.
_________________
"I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat." -Edgar Allen Poe"I knew there was something special about you, but I never realized you were really a cat." Wolfwood to a random cat (Trigun)
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Ronin
ComStar
Colonel
Joined: 05-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 908
Location: United States
|
| Posted: 06-Oct-2003 21:41 Post subject: RE: Even More Tips |
|
|
I really don't think "frustrated" is the word I'd use 
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Daphne Wilde
Star League Defense Force
Lieutenant Colonel
Joined: 19-Sep-2003 00:00
Posts: 425
Location: United States
|
| Posted: 07-Oct-2003 02:43 Post subject: RE: Even More Tips |
|
|
Sylthis: as long as thats the ONLY thing in/on your hands 
I am SO evil.....
_________________
Lt.Col.Daphne Wilde
504 Para. 82 Div.
Io
? & ?
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Sir Henry
Team Bansai
Senior Tech Specialist
Joined: 04-Feb-2002 00:00
Posts: 4899
Location: United States
|
| Posted: 07-Oct-2003 07:27 Post subject: RE: Even More Tips |
|
|
You're a woman, for us, that's a given....
(Just kidding ... )
_________________
Sir Henry
A Dragon in the disguise of a bunny, is still a Dragon.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
